something to show

I've regressed into hermitude since my Christmas job ended a month ago, and have been unable or unwilling to come up with some kind of constructive routine. Basically, I've been sleeping, playing with GoodReads, reading, knitting, eating, watching Sherlock, washing and de-pilling my handknits, and spending enough time on Pinterest that I learned how to make a sock bun. Is it any wonder society finds me unemployable? Perhaps not. So I did have two days of casual work, which is better than none. And I have a job interview tomorrow that I've been studying for. If I think about it, I have been doing things - but imagine what I could have accomplished if I actually kept myself busy. My goal this week will be to do more than one productive thing every day :P

As it turns out, now is the time to do all the wedding things, so I've been working on that. Meeting the caterers, tasting food, ordering rings, tracking down essential bits of important paperwork in various languages - sounds more complicated than it was, thankfully. In addition to my shawl, which I'm knitting away at slowly, I've made some flowers for my hair. They need attachment to clips of some variety, but I'll figure it out. I followed this tutorial, and I'm pleased with how they turned out.



I also bought some wedding shoes, finally. I think they are kind of cute.



So. Progress.

read good

I recently rediscovered Goodreads - I may be the last book lover to start using it. Believe it or not, I signed up in 2010 in my last semester of library school, and proceeded to forget all about it until someone on ravelry reminded me. The situation has been rectified. It's not only great for keeping track of and sharing things you've read, but it's also got an interesting book recommendation feature that I think I'll use a lot. If you're interested in what I'm reading, you can find me here.

To populate my Goodreads page, I spent a while adding all the books I read in 2011 (from my super high tech Word doc master list of reading goodness). This exercise brought to light a theme in my reading habits last year that I hadn't noticed at the time.

In the past, I've nearly always had books on request at the library with an idea of what I'd like to read next. Despite all my expensive librarian training, reader's advisory tools, and the rest of it, I found myself kind of listless about my reading choices for part of last year. I took to picking books off the shelf at random, which is not necessarily a bad way of choosing books, but it wasn't the most successful.

In 2011 I apparently read lots of short-stories from collections that I picked up off the shelf during my randomness reading programme. I usually prefer novels, but this year short-stories were the thing: serious, silly, twisted, and thought-provoking.

Here are some of the collections I perused last year:

The Bears of England by Mick Jackson.
Hilarious short stories about bears. Written as if it were historical, the collection investigates the influential role of bears in all aspects of life throughout English history.

Nocturnes: Five Stories of Music and Nightfall by Kazuo Ishiguro
Love, music, loneliness, the passage of time, chance meetings, cafés...

The Obelisk by E.M. Forster
Stories unpublished in his lifetime due to controversial (that is, gay) themes. Although most of them don't read as controversial now, they are heartfelt, significant, and clever.

My Goat Ate Its Own Legs by Alex Burrett
By far the weirdest collection of short-stories I read last year. Totally bizarre, surreal, absurd, and very enjoyable. I picked it up because of the crazy title and because the corner of the book had a bite taken out of it. (By design, of course).


Notwithstanding by Louis de Bernières
Stories set in a fictional village in Surrey that explore the eccentricities of life there through the ages.

One City by Alexander McCall Smith, Irvine Welsh, and Ian Rankin
Stories about Edinburgh by authors who live or have lived there.

Kiss Kiss by Roald Dahl
Weird and twisted stories aimed at adults, but still containing the fun of his works for kids.

Little Red at Last

Guess what I got for Christmas?



It's been described and reviewed all over the internet already, but I'll add my impressions to the mix. As a follower of Ysolda's blog, I'd been looking forward to this book for ages prior to its release last year. (Disclaimer: though I have been an Ysolda fan since before I moved to Edinburgh, I am not a creepy stalker. I feel a bit self-consciously creepy about this it nonetheless.)

Lauriel is the pattern that first caught my eye when I heard about the book, and Angostura is also in my queue for the near future. Although I don't have much use for sweater vests - I'll make a use for them, I'm sure! I have a couple store bought ones from that one summer I had a proper office job, but they hardly fit my unemployed-hermit lifestyle at the moment. Also the dude thinks they are distinctly uncool for some reason. Which has never stopped me, since I'm fairly sure I've never been cool, but anyway. Sweater vests = cool or uncool?

Despite its lovely patterns, the book is actually more interesting to me as a reference for future sweaters in general. I like that in a knitting book - even if I only knit a couple of the sweaters, the other information in the book has lasting value. It will take many hours of perusal and consulting, I'm sure, but I hope to make better fitting sweaters because of it. I've already used the detailed measurement guide and print-out to fill in all my current measurements, though I'm still a bit confused about what some of them refer to - will have to consult with the internet hive-mind on this at some point.

I can't comment on the pattern writing yet, since I haven't tried to follow any of it. However, the first few times I flipped through the book, I got a bit confused by the schematics. Though they are very artistic, at a glance they imply that every pattern is knitted in pieces / flat. Which is definitely not the case. Maybe it's just me, but when I saw them that's the impression I got. However, I can also understand the benefit of showing things like set-in sleeves in the shape of a flat set-in sleeve, even if the sleeve itself is a seamless set-in one. Did that make any sense? Whatever. I get how it works now.

Yay, knitting!

First-footer FO

My Devon socks are my first FO of 2012, given that I almost finished them in 2011. Since they are socks, and they are the first FO of the new year, I've been calling them my first-footers. Not sure what sort of luck they'll bring - maybe a year full of socks?

The light in my flat was terrible today when I was attempting pictures, so these are the best I got. The socks fit, though!


Something weird is happening with the perspective here - my left foot isn't really massively larger than my right...



I used hand-dyed yarn blogged about here. I love the colours, but I do think it is just a teeny bit too busy. If I'd somehow managed to make the blackish parts less intense/contrast-y, I think the pattern would show up better.

The pattern is Cookie A's Devon. It was an enjoyable knit, even though I did them one at a time; I'd forgotten how quickly one sock can go! I'm not too keen on the way the yarnovers show on the foot section, but disappear into the leg section. To be honest, I'd prefer them to disappear in both, like the original pattern photos. I can only assume the model has skinnier feet than I, so hers don't stretch the yarnovers much. If I made these again, I might try using some hole-less increases instead of yarnovers to see how that looks.



Here's to more woolly socks this year! (And more FOs at Tami's blog.)

staying warm

When the wind picks up, I can always hear it whistling through the gaps and crannies in our flat - it often sounds worse than it is. Not so, today:


(Not my video, but daaaamn.)

I did have to go out, and I passed downed traffic lights, slate roof tiles, and other debris on my way. Brrr.

Tea and blankets and knitting on the sofa, lovely at any time, was extra nice this afternoon.

Hogmanay

Happy New Year, blogosphere! Hogmanay celebrations in Edinburgh are A Thing - a 3 day festival to bring in the new year. We weren't in town for it last year, but decided to take in some of the free stuff this time around. Things kicked off on Dec 30th with a torchlight procession through town, followed by some fireworks and burning stuff. (They do like their fireworks here).



See all the twinkly twinkly lights? Apparently there were 6500 people with torches this year. And nobody got set on fire! Amazing. (At least, not that I heard about...) Led by some dudes dressed like vikings, plus several pipe bands, they processed through town up Calton Hill.



Then there were fireworks and pyrotechnics set up in the monuments on Calton Hill. Okay, so this picture isn't very clear, but you get the idea.




And a bonfire - it started out as a straw sculpture of some dancing figures.

I think I get a kick out of all this celebratory fire because none of it would be allowed where I grew up. Not only are you not allowed to drink in public places there, but thousands of people carrying open flames through the streets? Haha - not likely.

I took some shaky video of bits of it, and have inexpertly spliced them together to make a highlight reel here:


Bring on 2012!

2011: The Year in Knits

The year isn't quite finished, but since I don't expect my FO count to change in the next few days, I'm posting my year in review. I finished ten knitting projects in 2011, which is fewer than 2010's 15 projects... but who's counting? Quality over quantity? Haha. In any case, I wasn't exceptionally prolific this year, but I'm satisfied with what I made. Plus, I started a very long-term project that won't be finished anytime soon - my beekeeper's quilt. Anyway, here are the FOs of 2011:



From left to right, top to bottom: (links to my projects on ravelry)
Idlewood by Cecily Glowik MacDonald
French Press Slippers by Melynda Bernardi
Danube Cowl, by me
Drops design cardigan with lots of numbers in it
Calculation mitts by Natalie Selles
Simple City shawlette by Mimi Hill
Entomology Mittens by Adrian Bizilia
Twisted socks by Jodie Gordon Lucas
Honeybee Cardigan by Laura Chau
Fleegle's toe-up socks

In January, I made some pseudo-resolutions to knit more sweaters in 2011, put some designs to paper, and learn some new techniques. I'd say I mostly managed that - I made two cardigans and a pullover, and published a free knitting pattern (Danube Cowl). As for new techniques, the only thing I can think of is the Fleegle Heel I used for my Team Sweden socks, but it's a pretty cool heel, so I'd count it as a useful technique I've learned.

In 2012, I would like to focus my knitting on filling in my knitwear gaps. For example, most of my handknit sweaters are 3/4 sleeved because I skimp on yarn and am afraid of running out. 3/4 sleeves are fine sometimes, but my wardrobe needs some long-sleeved things. So: goal for 2012 is to make sweaters with long sleeves, even if I need to buy more yarn to accomplish it! Likewise, I only have one handknitted pullover, so I'd like to add one or two more pullovers to the mix this year.

What will you be knitting/making in 2012?

dude

Look what I found in my advent calendar today:



A Tardis! Heh. There's even a blob that I am interpreting as the Doctor seen from the back.

(I don't want to hear about it if you think it's actually a wrapped gift or some other traditional Christmas item :P)

This totally made my day.

A joint effort

We aren't traveling to see family for the holidays this year, so this will be our first Christmas at home in our flat together. That meant coming up with some kind of Christmas tree.

Lucky for us, we both like to make things. My dude came up with a crazy scheme to build a Christmas tree out of dowels and garden wire - and it worked! He did most of it, but I helped. When the modern, minimalist tree was finished, it sat bare for a few days while we thought about how to decorate it. The branches are fairly flexible, and the whole thing is rather small. Then, another brilliant idea from the dude...



Hexipuffs as ornaments! They are very light and small, plus I have them in a crazy range of colours. I put some thread through a corner of each one, knotted it, and then attempted to hide the knot back inside the puffs. When it comes time to put the blanket together, I can always cut the thread and remove it.



I'm sure this isn't an original idea - on ravelry I can find people using hexipuffs for all kinds of things, including ornaments and a hexitree. However, my dear FH doesn't spend all his free time browsing ravelry, so the idea coming from him is somewhat original.

Hexipuff update

I'm still making hexipuffs! Here is the latest crop.



The yellow-orange and blue ones used leftovers from my Team Sweden Socks - I'm pleased with the stripes! The others are from the miniskeins Natalie/Pinkundine sent me. The purple and green one are from the same miniskein; the long colour repeats on such a small object made each into an almost solid-coloured puff. It's hard to tell in the photo, but there is a slight colour change from purple to green / green to purple on each. And the neon stripy ones? Hahaha. They make me laugh. So eye-searing! Amazing.

WIP at last : Wedding Shawl

So, after my angsty post of a few weeks ago, I took your comments in stride and finally settled on a pattern for my wedding shawl. In retrospect, it was obvious. I'd admired Kieran Foley's High Seas stole since I knew it existed - so why not knit it now? I still have some reservations about the colour, since I love how this pattern looks knitted up in blues... but the white versions on ravelry look nice as well, and I can always overdye this after the wedding if I want.

Lumpy lace

The pattern is very well-written, and includes some other variations on the original stole, but I'm doing the original this time around. It's challenging, but for lace worked on both sides, it's not so bad - the wrong-side rows are still mostly purled, even though they have a few YO and p2togtbls. I'm partway through the second pattern repeat, and enjoying it so far! Because a 40-row pattern repeat seems to be asking for trouble, I'm putting in lifelines every 20 rows, but haven't had to use them yet. Fingers crossed...

Slightly stretched

Check out more WIPs on Tami's Blog!

most photogenic cookie?

The other day I made Orange Gingersnaps. After finding this recipe on Pinterest ages ago, I'm glad I finally tried it. I shoved nearly 2/3 of the batch in the freezer afterwards so I could make them last longer. Mmmm. I love the way orange and ginger combine.

Generally, I fall back on blobby oatmeal raisin cookies when I want to bake. They are delicious also. But these... these are even pretty, if I do say so myself! (And if I can make these look pretty, so can anyone.)



I mostly followed the recipe (shocking), but predictably made some changes. Instead of using shortening I used half butter, half vegetable oil. I didn't use as much molasses, since I've found that treacle available in the UK is much stronger than the molasses I always used in North America. I learned this the hard way making gingerbread one year - the stuff turned out black. I only used about a tablespoon this time, which was plenty.



Technically, I shouldn't call these gingerSNAPS since most of them don't really snap. Other than the last baking sheet full which I cooked a little longer, they ended up quite chewy. I did this on purpose, and I'm glad it worked, since chewy ginger cookies are awesome. They work well as crunchy cookies, though, if that's your thing.

Next time I make them, I'll use less sugar and maybe less butter in the oil-to-butter ratio, although I suspect that will make them tend towards crunchy rather than chewy.

Winnings

I'm excited to show you my new stash of mini-skeins, courtesy of Natalie/Pinkundine at Misadventures in Craft. Recently, she had a giveaway to celebrate a year of knitting, and I was lucky enough to win one of the prizes.



Here they are in their Proto-hexipuff stage of existence. Soon they will undergo a metamorphosis.



There's some Regia, Zauberball, Mini Mochi and others in there. I think they will make some pretty awesome hexipuffs. Thanks, Natalie!

White Balance for the Win

I've always had trouble photographing greens with my camera. You may remember my frustration with everything green looking teal on my screen (not that I don't love teal, when the knitted project is ACTUALLY teal...) At some point I learned that setting white balance might help with this. I didn't know how to do that with my camera and then forgot to figure it out.

Until a few days ago, when I was messing around and stumbled upon it completely by accident.



Here is the first of my lumpy, unblocked Devon socks, by Cookie A, looking kind of colour accurate. At least, they look accurate on my monitor. Your mileage may vary. How is it different from before? I think it looks a lot less blue than my original picture of the yarn, even with all the attempted colour correction in photoshop:


The yarn, with no white balance adjustment: most of the yellower greens don't show up. Also the light is shining on the yarn in an annoying way, but never mind.



Anyway, this is pretty exciting. It may not solve all my colour problems, but I'm glad I figured it out, and I feel a little dumb for not knowing about this feature on my camera, even though I've had it for a few years. I have a Canon Powershot A590IS - if you do too, like me have lost the instruction manual, and are looking for the white balance, it's available when you set the camera to manual (M on the wheel at the top). The second icon down the lefthand side of the display, underneath ISO, gives you various options including "custom," which lets you set the white balance. Hurray!

The first sock went pretty quickly, and I made sure to cast-on for the second straight away to impede second-sock-syndrom. Better (blocked/modeled) photos to follow when I get this one done!

Shawl Angst

A while back I was pretty excited about starting my wedding shawl. When I got engaged I thought I'd use this opportunity to knit something kind of epic that I'd never think of wearing for some other occasion. This is my perfect chance to dive into some ridiculously complicated lace, I thought - I can do it! I have the time, and the skills or at least the cocky stupidity! I have a whole queue of gorgeous lace shawls to choose from, and a skein of exciting yarn to knit with. I'd narrowed it down to rectangular stoles or semi-circular shawls.

Let me confess that I haven't yet started my shawl. I haven't even chosen a pattern. While I've managed to be fairly low key about most of the wedding planning so far, bride madness has struck on the subject of my wedding shawl. I find myself scrolling through all the beautiful patterns on ravelry thinking, "ooh I like this... but is it special enough to be my wedding shawl?" This has got to stop. Who knows, it might be warm enough on the day that I won't even want to wear it - though this seems extremely unlikely for an outdoor ceremony in April in Scotland.

Fyberspates Scrumptious Lace, with my pearls (please excuse re-used photo)

I know it's not worth my stressing about it. I want to make a beautiful object, and I will... but I seem to be waiting to have a "shawl moment" - you know how some brides try on a dress and have some kind of spiritual experience and just know that is THE DRESS? Well, I didn't have one of those moments for my dress, and never expected to. And yet, I appear to be waiting for such a moment while scrolling through shawl patterns.

Talking with a knitter friend about my madness recently, she asked me what I want to get out of this shawl business. Obviously I'm building it up a bit too much. I thought about it and concluded that I want my shawl to be impressive. Impressive to me. I want to be impressed with myself for knitting this object, although I know that non-knitters won't truly understand the effort/time/skill/madness that has gone into it. Many of the shawl patterns in my queue fit this criteria for me, so it shouldn't be a problem. And yet I'm still indecisive.

Here are the other criteria:
-Lace-weight or easily subbed for lace-weight yarn
-Will use up to one skein of Fyberspates Scrumptious Lace (1000 m)
-Rectangular or semi-circular
-Lots of open lace, preferably with more than one lace pattern involved

(Though you'll note that some of the patterns I love in my "maybe wedding" queue don't follow those criteria at aaaaalll.)

What think you, knitters? Can you talk me down from my madness and convince me to just get on with it? Do you have a pattern recommendation?

Full days

Hello blogosphere! Working part-time is kicking my butt. I thought I was more resilient, but after working only 20 hours this week, I'm down with an annoying noisy cold. Lame! Who knew that suddenly breaking out of hermitude would expose me to lots of other people's germs. Ah well, I'm glad to have the job for now, and it's been going pretty well for the week I've been working. The people are friendly and helpful, the work is varied, the staff discount is pretty good...

The Man put a damper on an otherwise enjoyable week when I received a thinly veiled threat from the manager yesterday that I won't last long if I don't sell more credit cards to old ladies. Nice. Did I mention I've only been there a week? And I spent my entire last shift banished from the shop floor in a stock room unpacking boxes? (i.e. not interacting with any customers, so not selling any credit cards). I suspect the manager gave this vague warning to all the new temps, since I don't think I'm the only one in this situation. Still. Intimidation tactics don't really motivate me, as much as I'm desperate for the paycheck - I just feel slightly annoyed at the management / the entire capitalist system, really. I'm often annoyed at the system, so that's nothing new. (Perhaps retail is the wrong industry for me. Ya think? :P). Meh. Here's hoping they keep me on until my contract ends in January, so I can have a few pennies in my pocket until then.

WIP: more socks

I got the Sock Innovation book by Cookie A as a gift last Christmas, and thought it would be good to actually start on a project from it before this year's gift-giving festivals. Here's my Devon sock so far.



For this one I've broken out the dpns and gone for one at a time. I'd forgotten how quickly a single sock can knit up this way! Haha. It's a pretty fun pattern so far, and surprisingly intuitive. The pattern doesn't lend itself to Two-At-A-Time knitting, since it involves poaching some stitches from previous rounds, etc - plus I think I'd get pretty confused, but we'll see how I feel when it comes to starting sock #2.

I have to respectfully disagree with the book that this sock pattern is great for variegated yarns, though. This yarn was supposed to be semi-solid when I dyed it, but turned out more variegated, and now I fear it's a little too busy. I can't quite make up my mind about it, though, so I keep knitting... It probably doesn't help that pre-blocked lace looks pretty terrible most of the time.

ETA: these are socks for me, not presents with a looming deadline - sorry if that was unclear! I just wanted to use my Christmas present at least once before Christmas rolls around again :)

Tis the season for orange food

Halloween kind of passed me by this year. Last year I went to see people being reckless with fire on the Royal Mile, but this year I sat at home and did nothing much. I didn't even buy any discounted candy afterwards. Kind of sad, since I used to love Halloween. I did, however, make some delightful orange-coloured soup yesterday, and ate the leftovers for lunch today. Although there was no squash or pumpkin involved in this soup, the orangeness of it was very seasonal, I thought.

Carrot and Lentil Soup

Don't let the lumpy blobs put you off - it was delicious, really!

I vaguely followed the recipe for Lusciously Lemony Lentil Soup on Mommie Cooks, which I've used before to similarly delicious results. Main changes to the recipe were leaving out the tomato paste, leaving out the lemon, using red lentils, and using vegetable stock instead of chicken. Oh, and adding a handful of chickpeas I had leftover from something else. Also completely disregarding any proportions of carrot to lentil. Perhaps I can't really claim I followed the recipe at all. Haha. I topped it off with a blob of plain yogurt for contrast, but if I hadn't done that it would have been vegan. I went through a phase of making lots of lentil soup last winter, but I never bothered whizzing it with a hand blender, since I didn't have one yet. (And I like chunky, textured soups). My dude prefers smooth soups, so we have been making those a bit more often since getting the hand blender, and I'll admit I do like how the red lentils and carrots combine to make a creamy texture. The chickpeas help, too.

FO: Team Sweden Socks

Pattern: Fleegle's Toe-Up No-Flap No-Hassle socks, sort of.

Yarn: 100g / 437 m 75% wool, 25% nylon, hand-dyed by me. I had about 25 g left over - can you say hexipuffs?

Notes:

I cast-on 24 stitches with Judy's Magic Cast-on and increased to 60 stitches. I should have increased more or used a larger needle, since as I went along my gauge got a tighter, so the socks are a bit snug. I'll see what happens once I wash them, since I didn't block them.



I initially intended to use Priscilla Wild's no-hole shortrow heel from the Lifestyle socks, since I suspected the Fleegle heel wouldn't play nice with the self-striping yarn. This heel looks lovely, and did in fact have no-holes - a first for shortrow heels with me. It's an excellent choice if this kind of heel fits you, but you hate wrap&turn shortrows. However, as much as I tried, it didn't fit me. I ripped it out and tried again about 3 times, having lengthened the foot, moved things around, etc... but to no avail. That's it, I'm done with shortrow heels when I knit socks for me. Blast my giant insteps. After frogging the heel so many times, I got fed up and frogged the socks in a fit of rage. I usually do anything to avoid starting over, but this time it was cathartic.



After all the frustration and frogging, the final incarnation of the socks went pretty quickly. I love the Fleegle heel. Love it. It's tidy, easy, there are no wrapt&turns, and no picking up stitches. As you can see, it did change the stripes a bit, particularly on the instep, but I don't mind. The fit around my heel is excellent, and I will definitely use this again for toe-up socks.



I didn't do any special stretchy bind-off, since I usually find I bind off loosely enough... but this time everything was running tighter than usual, and I think a stretchier bind-off would have been a good idea. Oh well. I can still get them on, and they'll probably stretch out more over time. If not, I'll redo the bind-off at some point.

This yarn is a test for the durability of food-colouring-dyed yarn. I am almost positive it won't run, since it didn't when I washed it post-dyeing, but part of me is still a little nervous that I'll end up with greenish-brown stripes after the first wash. We'll see!

See more FOs at Tami's Amis!

p.s. I got a job! A temporary seasonal low-paying Christmas job, but a job nonetheless. Permission to feel like a productive member of capitalist society, for a few weeks at least :P

not good enough

The last little while, every time I go to blog I end up wanting to vent dissatisfaction and frustration, so rather than fill this space with more negativity, I haven't posted. This blog is a personal blog as well as a crafty one, so I don't feel the need to keep my feelings and personality out of it as a rule. That said, when my thoughts are tending towards self-loathing rather than my usual cheerfully sarcastic look at my own faults, I stop and try not to flood the blog with it. I figure, nobody else wants to read that, and I'm not sure it even helps my state of mind to air it. On the off-chance it does help, and because I'm tired of censoring myself right now, here are some scattered thoughts.

It's a bad time to be mediocre, if there ever was a good time for it. I'm generally okay with my own failings, and treat them with the aforementioned cheerful sarcasm. I've never needed or wanted to be The Best at anything, objectively. I am good at many things, and as my blog title implies, I think I'm good enough at most things I work hard at; however, good enough isn't good enough right now.

On the other hand, I have generally had success in life so far, possibly due to privilege, possibly due to family support, possibly due to factors beyond my control, possibly due to my own skills. I think this is why my constant failure to get paid employment hurts me so much, other than the obvious financial burden of being unemployed. Perhaps I have some misplaced sense of entitlement; I've always been passably good at things, and even successful at them, so why can't I get hired now? Why do I suddenly have to be the very best? I have never failed so consistently in my life, and it doesn't feel great. I can hope that my experiences now will serve to kill that sense of entitlement so I can look on my situation more objectively and maybe make some changes for the better. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that I am far from good enough at the things that matter right now, i.e. being employable. The standard of good enough has gone up. There are so many people out of work that only the most brilliant get noticed. I resent that I have to exaggerate my good points to prove myself to faceless companies that proceed to ignore me anyway. I resent that none of the things I've tried so far have worked. Although I know there will always be more things to try and other avenues to explore, I resent that I have to pursue all those other routes. I am tired of trying, even though I haven't tried all the things. Resentment isn't helpful or rational, but it is still clinging to me as my dominant feeling through this process.

I had a job interview last week, a phone interview yesterday, and I'm going to an assessment centre this afternoon - more responses to my job applications than I've had in a while. This has to be a good thing, and I'm trying to be excited about it. Even a minimum wage retail seasonal Christmas job would be awesome. However, it's hard to stay enthusiastic about pretending to be the best when so few positives seem to come through at the end.