Wednesday, July 30, 2008

decisions and the unemployed

I'm notoriously bad at making decisions. This is clear. I rant about it every time I have to make a decision, to myself, to the internet, or to anyone who will pretend to listen. Recently I made a big decision, and that was terrifying, but ultimately a relief. Once I stopped vacillating, the decision was made. Done. Don't have to make this particular decision again, unless I turn totally spineless and back out. Which I won't. Decision is made.

Once I entertained dreams of studying in England again, but that line of thought was doomed. At this point, I'm convinced that going to university for a Masters in Canada is the right thing to do in terms of realistic futures and practicality. For one thing, I actually found a program I want, but I'm convinced partly because I have bought into the myth of my own unemployability. Ouch. Seriously, though. And that worries me, because when I catch myself thinking like that I question the state of my soul. Hahaha.

When I started the hums degree I brushed off people's nagging questions ("what are you going to do with THAT?") with answers that the College encouraged and I believed: the degree is about education, not training. Etc. I totally believed it, and in reality I still do - I went to school to study things I enjoy, and that was the whole point. I'm better educated and happier for it, and I regret nothing. I assume I got some transferable skills out of the deal as well... Anyone need me to proofread an essay? Except that I don't have a job or any job prospects without further training. I'd be an awesome temp at least - come on, people! But alas. So far nothing. So, while I don't regret spending four years in an academically stimulating environment, I'm a little annoyed that I can't convince anyone that my skills are valuable outside that environment.

I'm fully willing to admit that I haven't been as aggressive in the job searching as I probably should be, and once I finish this last course I'll get on that. I swear. Hopefully this latest big decision won't let me get lazy now that the pressure to decide is off.

blah blah blah. I'm thinking about winter knits already. I think this will be the winter of scarves. I've never knit a scarf for myself since the naively conceived rolly-edged stockinette scarf that I still use for lack of a better one. And now this lace one... but I'll need a new winter one. Aha!


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